Wednesday, May 28, 2008

London Countdown: T-Minus 6 Weeks

Well, I suppose I'm on my own out here in the lonely blogosphere. No one appears to have anything to say to me these days. But you know what, I'm going to keep blogging anyway! I do this as a substitute for journaling, so who cares if none of you silent blogvoyeurs wish to reveal yourselves through comments! Fine! Crouch behind your keyboards like the cowards you are!

Captain Bibb's Blog: Stardate 52808.4
As you can see, I'm making my continental approach now. We have almost the whole of Europe and Africa on our viewscreen, a beautiful and humbling sight to behold. The phosphorous emeralds and sapphires of land and sea appear to be dropping off the map in the encroaching darkness that swallows the retreating rays of the setting sun. From our current altitude of over ten miles above the Earth's surface, the shimmering glory of our destination catches the eye with its verdant beauty.

This morning, we received a communication outlining our invitation to the Intergalactic Ambassadorial Reception Ceremony of the Keys at one of London's oldest and most historical landmarks, the Tower. We are to report promptly to the West Gate at 2130 hours, whereupon we will be shown into the inner chamber and given an audience with the Rector Regalis herself. Her Luminosity will dine with us and allow us to view the ancient "crown jewels," the royal headress and paraphernalia worn by primitive kings and queens of England before the International Conglomeration Act of 2510.

She has promised us the best accommodations at her disposal, but I have informed the crew that we will be staying on the bend of the Thames formerly known as Pimlico. The landing platforms are all located there, and most of the continental transport originates there as well. Her Ebullience's palace is undoubtedly grand, but I would prefer to experience London as the tourists of old must have seen it, tramping its gritty streets and following its labyrinthine paths to the hidden treasures at its heart. The excitement is scarcely containable.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Wait...Those Aren't the Pips

For those of you who do not follow Americon Idle (and no, those aren't typos; I'm attempting to be clever), there was one brief moment on last night's show that partially made up for all of the crappy singing and homoerotic bickering between Seacrest and Cowell this season. I suppose it made me long for the bygone days of variety comedy shows. Remember those? Great, hilarious programs like The Carol Burnett Show and Monty Python's Flying Circus, where truly intelligent people would come up with outrageous sketches that did not wholly depend on sexual aberrance or political pandering (thank you, SNL).

Anyway, you should probably watch this first to give yourself some enjoyable context for the more recent clip. Incidentally, this is one of my favorite songs of all time, and it really felt like Thalia, the muse of comedy, took special pity on me last night after Archuleta butchered Lennon's immortal song "Imagine," when she gave me this refreshingly funny (in a 1960s and 70s sort of way) clip to watch. Enjoy.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

London Countdown: T-Minus 7 Weeks

Oh, bloggykins. I shudder with tremulous delight. As I write this, Louis Armstrong is telling me what a wonderful world we live in, and though I rarely agree with Mr. Armstrong, I'm compelled to concur at the moment.

The time is coming, my friends, when I shall pass into that glorious land of myth and fairy tale known as . . . England. Even the very name itself rolls off the tongue with a delicious magic, like some ancient Celtic spell. Soon she'll be all mine, the leas, the rivers, the rolling hills, the fog, the heaths, the moors, the overpriced transportation. I realize I sound a bit like a maniacal Bond villain, poised to set in motion some fiendish plot to take over the world, but I'm really just planning a humble trip to the greatest nation the world has ever known. That's right, America, I said it.

I feel like an explorer about to embark on an epic journey to a land he's only read about in ancient, mysterious tomes. My ship has come within a few hundred thousand miles of my destination, and I'm making preparations for my final descent. I plan to be your Bibb-on-location during this trip. If there is anything you have always wanted to do in London or Paris, just let me know and I will take a picture of myself doing it (within reason). I call it vicarious vacationing, and I thoroughly enjoyed it when my in-laws did it for me on their trip to the Holy Land a couple of years ago.

Seriously, I'll do almost anything. Want me to kick a Buck House Guard in the shins? I'll do it quickly and run away. Want me to hurl a croissant at a street mime in Paris? You know I'll do that. Want me to lie down in the "zebra crossing" in front of Abbey Road Studios and sing "Octopus's Garden" in its entirety? I'd rather do "Oh! Darling," but whatever; you're the boss.

*Beep!* "Shall we prepare for our orbit of descent, Captain Bibb? Over."
*Beep!* "Set a bearing of 49 degrees, Commander, and bring her into Gyre Descent Pattern Gamma. Over."
*Beep!* "Aye, aye, sir. Over."

Tee, hee!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

A Tin Man with a Heart

Ok, I haven't blogged about it yet, perhaps because I wanted to test my infatuation with a little critical distance. But blogbots, even after the most objective period of reflective evaluation I could muster, I'm still nuts (& bolts) about Iron Man.

First off, let me clarify my history with, I would argue, Marvel's greatest character. Since I was around 8 years old, Iron Man has been my favorite super hero. Yes, even over the titans Superman and Spiderman. My late father and I would froth at the mouth at the very mention of Tony Stark and his dazzling array of awesome armor. I collected the IM comics with obsessive avidity, literally Marvel-ling at the often ludicrous storylines and soap opera style twists they would deliver. I thrilled when he fought with the Hulk (and won). I swooned when he joined the Avengers on their intergalactic campaign to stop the insatiable Thanos from assuming control of the universe. I squealed when he battled the nefarious Mandarin, with his ten extra-terrestrial rings of power. I wept when he "died" in No. 284.

Maybe my idolization of this seemingly less interesting hero stems from some inherent fascination with the steadfast but flawed mechanized man. I've always loved the metal underdogs in heroic literature. Going at least as far back as Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (ca. 1380), literature's love affair with the metallic man with a heart of gold can be demonstrated in numerous examples. The most basic, I suppose, would be the medieval British knight.

Protected only by the thin layer of metal plating affixed to his body, the courageous knight sallied forth to defeat all manner of hideous monsters. But as the story of Sir Gawain so wisely reminds us, the knight is never as invincible as his appearance would have us believe. There's almost always a figurative "chink" somewhere in his armor, a character flaw or debilitating fear that must be faced and overcome before any true glory can be achieved. The character of Iron Man definitely draws resonance from this literary tradition of the valiant knight. He fights on behalf of those who cannot fight for themselves, but he's never truly out of danger himself. He may be tough on the outside, but he's still just a scared, fallible human being underneath, which leads us to another great example of the imperfect metal man, Baum's Tin Woodman.

Professed to be "heartless," the Tin Woodman actually has the largest heart of all. He weeps off and on throughout the Oz books, but lest that suggest to you that he's a weakling, remember that it is the Woodman who beheads the wildcat so that the Queen of the Field Mice can help drag the Cowardly Lion out of the poppy field. He's certainly not afraid of getting his cans dirty. The Iron Man comics allude to Baum's most charming invention quite directly, and the film picks up on Stan Lee's obvious linking of the two by having Pepper Potts present the reformed Mr. Stark with his original power servo, around which is appropriately inscribed, "Proof that Tony Stark has a heart." Our final example also involves a man unsure of his humanity, one whose immense power only serves to expedite his downfall and highlight his imperfect human nature.

Convinced of his superiority but ultimately the most insecure of all tragic heroes, Darth Vader becomes a living machine, his humanity compromised and melded with his ruthless desire for absolute control over himself and his destiny. But despite his terrible despotism and record of widespread genocide, Anakin Skywalker never truly disappears behind his metal mask. As his son rightly asserts, there is still a substantial amount of "good" in him, buried beneath the mass of restrictive mechanics that isolate him from the world.

So what's your point, Bibb? Well, I suppose my point is that, for me, Iron Man now represents (and maybe always has) my father. He was a profoundly flawed individual, consumed by self-doubt and alcoholism, but he also did his best every day to put on a brave "face" and protect the ones he loved from the horrors of the world. He didn't always succeed in this endeavor, but his willingness to keep trying definitely shows how much heart he truly possessed. And I hope that one day I can be as tough as he was without losing the humanity that made him a great dad and a good friend. And though he didn't live to see Iron Man on the big screen (we often talked about how Tom Selleck would make the perfect Tony Stark, but I like to think he would have been pleased with R. Downey, Jr.'s performance), I hope he knows, wherever he is now, that he was always my favorite hero: an occasionally malfunctional machine with a good man inside.

I love you, dad.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Ex Libris

Oh! The relief, blogapaloozas! The immense, profound relief! I just submitted the third of my three major term papers for this semester, and life instantly got 60-75% sweeter!

Admittedly, I still don't know what my grades will look like, but I think they'll all be A's. Folks, I only have one more semester of school . . . PERIOD! Do you understand me?! One semester stands between me and the end of school for all time! No, I don't think you quite grasp the significance of this situation. Let me elaborate.

1. Counting all my public school experience (K-12th grade), I've been in school for 20 years. That's two decades. That's two-thirds of my entire life. Capiche?
2. After this coming fall, I will NEVER have to write another G-D@#?ed term paper for the rest of my G-D@#?ed life on this earth! Do you hear me?! NEVER!!!
3. In just two short months, my lovely bride and I will be soaring high over the Atlantic Ocean on our way to my true homeland, the United Kingdom. I'm so giddy about this trip that I'm having trouble suppressing the desire to tap dance as I type this. Honestly, I will kneel and kiss the soil when we arrive, international decorum be D@#?ed!
4. I don't have to go back to Eyrieville U's campus for almost three whole weeks! That means no schoolbags, no rushed breakfasts from Morebucks, no innane lectures where I have to listen to hours of loquacious BS spewed forth like offal from the mouths of pimply, insecure graduate hacks! Halleloooooooooooooo . . . . . . . . . YA!

Now maybe you understand. If any of you have any favors to ask of me, now would be the time. I'm in one of the most optimistically bubbly moods of my whole life. When Monday comes, however, and the grades are posted, things may well come crashing down. Until then, blogfellows, I'm the happiest Bibb in town!

Monday, May 05, 2008

He Loves to *BLEEEEP*!

I don't normally do this, but I almost fell out of my chair this morning when I saw this video. For those of you who retain rosy, nostalgic memories of that mythical street, the video may soil those memories. But honestly, people, if you don't find the "Song of the Count" hilarious, something is truly wrong with your funny bone.

So if the mid-May blues have got you down, click on the link and give the video a chance. I guarantee you at least one laugh...or maybe two. Two laughs, ah, ah, ah.