Tuesday, July 25, 2006

British Talking Chimps = Comedy Gold

Those of you poor souls out there who have not yet sent/received a Monk-E-Mail deserve to hear the gospel and add some monkey-themed frivolity to your pointless existences.

Sure, I know this sounds juvenile and maybe like an easy way to get yourself fired for improper use of technology, but Monk-E-Mails are frickin' hilarious. You can type in whatever you want the four charismatic voices to say (Brits "Simon" and "Elizabeth" are my preferences), or you can actually call a number to record your very own voice for the message!

There are a number of background and clothing choices, and you can even add eyewear and other items to enhance the absurdity of your simian creation. Then you just ship your chimp off to whichever of your unsuspecting friends (or nemeses) you feel deserves him/her most. The chimps have no censors, so go bananas!

To paraphrase Peter Gabriel, Click the Monkey.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Just Call Me Barbossa...

I have a confession to make, me bloggies. I have become something of a Steve the Pirate of late. I wear my psuedo-pirate hat slightly askew on my long piratey locks of flowing red hair. I find myself calling people things like "love" and "poppet" more and more, and once yesterday I followed up a question to my wife with the word "savvy".

I pilot my B3000 Mazda Pickup as though she were a fine sailing ship (I even rechristened her as The Black Pearl), and I have hung my little Happy Meal stuffed Jack Sparrow toy from the rear-view mirror. I know it won't be long before I order a Jolly Roger decal online and slap that puppy on the tailgate. What has become of me? I suppose I should have seen it coming; several people at my former job told me I had the heart of a pirate. I'm actually not making this up. My boss's supervisor (the Dean of Students at St. Engelbert's University) told me that she could see me as a pirate. Several students made similar observations.

So should I succumb to these apparently inherent, to coin a phrase, "pirateristics" that so many others have picked up on? Or should I strive to retain a sense of human decency and remain a humble student of English literature? Hmm ... may be I can do the both of 'em. Fair winds, me buckos!

For more piratey-type stuff for those of you dogs out there who just can't get enough and want to go on the account, try some of the following links to merry mischief!

Buccaneer Books
On Stranger Tides by Tim Powers
The Letter of Marque by Patrick O'Brian
Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson
Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe
Captain Blood by Rafael Sabatini
The Island by Peter Benchley
Cup of Gold by John Steinbeck
Red Rover by James Fenimore Cooper
The Offshore Pirate by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Pirate Music
The Corsairs
The Seadogs
The Jolly Rogers

Pirate Movies
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
Walt Disney's Treasure Island
The Muppets Treasure Island
Captain Blood
Blackbeard the Pirate
Captain Kidd
The Island
Long John Silver
Nate and Hayes

and others...

Salmagundi
International Talk Like a Pirate Day
Historical Information
Definition of Piracy
Billy Bones' Pirate Locker


Thursday, July 13, 2006

Summer Reading

The Poe Shadow
by Matthew Pearl

Release Date: May 23, 2006

"The strange circumstances surrounding the death of Edgar Allan Poe, intriguing to fans and scholars alike, provide the basis for this literary mystery." - Booklist

If you like riveting, rigorously-researched historical fiction as much as I do, you will froth at the mouth over this successor to The Dante Club (which I just finished and also highly recommend). Pearl's credentials just couldn't be more impressive: Bachelor's in English from Harvard, law degree from Yale, teaching positions at both Harvard and Emerson College. And yet his fiction is not egregiously erudite or burdened with unnecessary literary allusions; rather, he weaves a powerful tale out of the very real fabric of 19th-century historical fact with excruciating detail (his descriptions of the homes of Henry W. Longfellow, Oliver W. Holmes and James R. Lowell in The Dante Club come from firsthand observations at these authors' actual residences in Cambridge, Mass., the city Pearl himself calls home).

If you have always been fascinated and somewhat disturbed by the unusual events that cloud literary history's knowledge of Poe's death in 1849 (as I have), then you really shouldn't miss this book; it claims to be the definitive word on what is factually known about those mysterious days in early October 1849, and given the extensive research of Pearl's first novel, I am inclined to believe that claim.



The Fourth Bear
by Jasper Fforde

Release Date: August 3, 2006

"The Gingerbreadman—psychopath, sadist, genius, and killer—is on the loose. But it isn’t Jack Spratt’s case. He and Mary Mary have been demoted to Missing Persons following Jack’s poor judgment involving the poisoning of Mr. Bun the baker. Missing Persons looks like a boring assignment until a chance encounter leads them into the hunt for missing journalist Henrietta “Goldy” Hatchett, star reporter for The Daily Mole. Last to see her alive? The Three Bears, comfortably living out a life of rural solitude in Andersen’s wood." - Book Description, Amazon.com

Although I would have to agree with the assertion made by Publisher's Weekly in their review of this second novel in Fforde's "Nursery Crime" series in that "it lacks the snap of the author's Thursday Next series," I must admit that I found The Big Over Easy to be a quite enjoyable read. The ease with which Fforde creates his tongue-in-cheek world of nursery rhyme characters, all of whom deal with very real and very human problems, never fails to impress those of us who long to write popular fiction ourselves someday. The inclusion of the character of Prometheus as the upstairs boarder in the Spratt household made for some of the best comedic philosophical dialogue I've read since Martin's Picasso at the Lapin Agile and was, in my opinion, a stroke of genius.



Three Days to Never
by Tim Powers

Release Date: August 1, 2006

"Powers (Declare) delivers another top-notch supernatural spy thriller. When Frank Marrity's grandmother dies unexpectedly during 1987's New Age Harmonic Convergence, his 12-year-old daughter, Daphne, steals a videotape from the old woman's Pasadena house that turns out to be a Chaplin film long believed lost. Before Daphne can finish watching the film, its powerful symbolism awakens a latent pyrokinetic ability in her that burns the tape. Frank later discovers letters that prove his grandmother was Albert Einstein's illegitimate daughter. This comes to the attention of a special branch of the Mossad specializing in the Kabbalah as well as a shadowy Gnostic sect interested in a potential weapon discovered by Einstein that he didn't offer to FDR during WWII—a weapon more terrible in its way than the atomic bomb. In typical Powers fashion, his characters' spiritual need to undo past sins or mistakes propels the ingenious plot, which manages to be intricate without becoming convoluted, to its highly satisfying conclusion." - Publisher's Weekly

If you haven't yet discovered the joy of reading Tim Powers, you must run to the nearest bookstore and buy a copy of The Anubis Gates right this very minute. He is quite possibly the greatest living science fiction/fantasy writer (Philip K. Dick thought so), and though he has remained relatively obscure, it is in no way due to any lack of excellence in his work. Another meticulous researcher, Powers created a completely fictional 19th-century poet named William Ashbless who was so realistic, many readers believed him to be an actual contemporary of the likes of Byron and Coleridge! No other author I know could combine a maniacal mutant clown thief from the underworld of Victorian London, a shape-shifting reincarnated version of the Egyptian god Anubis, and Romantic poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge in the same novel and make it work.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

The Futurama Is Almost Now

Futurama returns! Yes, at last the prophetic words displayed almost three years ago at the start of that poignant last episode The Devil's Hands Are Idle Playthings are going to come true; we will indeed see our futuristic friends again on another channel! Benevolent and wise Comedy Central has picked up the lesser known (but far superior) of Matt Groening's two brain-children from the completely vision-less Fox network, and production has already begun on 13 new episodes to be aired in 2008!

Sure, it's still a ways off, but I am certain it will be well worth the wait. Fire up those DVRs, Futurama Fans; the cutting edge in animated comedy is coming back from beyond the grave to beguile and amuse us in ways that The Simpsons only dreamed of. In the words of Hermes Conrad, "Sweet three-toed sloth of Ice Planet Hoth!"

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Pirate-riffic!

Ahoy, me summer movie-goin' hearties! Looks like there finally be somethin' worth droppin' anchor for in these choppy, bland waters! Steer your vessel posthaste toward Pirates of the Carribbean: Dead Man's Chest, and you won't be disappointed. I can't remember the last time I had this much fun at the movies. The story is well-written, the action sequences are innovative and hilarious, Johnny Depp gives his usual best in every frame, and Davy Jones and his crew of CGI-enhanced miscreants of the sea are about the coolest things I've ever seen on screen. Finally, a summer movie that delivers in both the storyline and special effects departments! Kudos to Gore Verbinski for making a really cool adventure film that doesn't bore the crap out of the thinkers in the audience!

If you love pirates (and you know that you do), you will absolutely love this film. I would unquestionably rate this diamond in the rough as the best film of 2006 thus far (yes, even better than Pixar's Cars). If you had told me last year that the two most interesting and refreshingly original films of the upcoming summer were going to be produced by Disney, I would have slapped you right in the face. I don't know, maybe the ol' Mouse has some magic left in him after all.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

They Say It's Your Birthday...

Well, the fireworks flew magnificently last night in honor of the eve of my coming into this world 27 years ago. I must say that I was surprised that the municipal government here in Eyrieville knew about this annual event so soon after my moving here, but someone must be on the ball because the Bibb Leo File celebrations were in full swing all over the city!

I am always touched when these fantastic displays occur (I particularly like the big Washington D. C. gala with the orchestra; and I only visited there once way back when I was nine!), but I am not entirely sure why they always feel compelled to play such a preponderance of patriotic music at these shindigs. I am just as big a fan of J. P. Sousa as the next fellow, but I think in light of the circumstances it might be more apropos to put on some Beatles or Elvis Presley.