You know all about the story.Some waify Japanese broad with debilitatingly morose emotional problems dies, and guess what! Her evil, stringy-haired spirit harasses an artsy dude with stubble and his anorexic blonde baby of a wife until her mysterious and carcinogenically dull secret is revealed! Such innovation! Such imagination! Such a breath of fresh...wait...
Haven't we seen this before?
And before that?
And before before that?
OMG, blog-peeps. Why do I keep going to these movies? Moses, smell the roses, already. If there's a pasty Asian face on the movie poster, with wide eyes with no discernible irises, the film will shamelessly borrow wholesale from its Japanese ancestors. I mean, are there even any angsty Japanese girls left? I would think we'd have killed them all off by now, but there seems to be an endless stream of them, ghoul-shuffling their way across studio apartments everywhere and frog-crawling through bedsheets to beat the band!
What will it finally take for the movie execs over at Churn-'Em-Out Pictures to realize that their cookie cutter thrillers are as washed up as an unwanted demon-girl at the bottom of a New England well? We get it! Evil never sleeps, eats, pees, washes its hair, changes its clothes, or dies. But can we at least get a different set? A slightly altered wig for the Tokyo ghost? I honestly think the twerps in Shutter went to the EXACT SAME HOUSE they used in The Grudge at one point in the film! For Hitchcock's sake, people, are we that stupid?!! Are we willing to lie back like hogs in our own filthy slop and gobble down whatever odious corn-pone they lob in our direction?
We're on the bus...a Japanese ghost girl appears in the window. We're in the shower...a Japanese ghost girl paws at our hair. We're sleeping next to our ignorant spouse...a Japanese ghost girl crawls out of a closet. We're casually reading the morning paper...a Japanese ghost girl pops up in the crossword. I can't even brush my teeth without a Japanese ghost girl handing me the toothpaste! Where does it stop?
So I've decided to take another imaginary blog-poll. Since the plot probably won't ever change, and since they seem to keep hiring the same two twenty-somethings to play the horrified victims in every one of these wretched films, I'm going to at least hope for a slightly modified ghost demographic.
So, Japanese ghost blogs, which shall it be...
A.) A Mexican ghost grampa
B.) A French ghost chef
C.) A Canadian ghost mountie
D.) A Chilean ghost spelunker
You decide.
7 comments:
Since "Nepalese ghost sherpa" wasn't a choice... ummm... I'll go with the Mexican ghost grampa. Can there be a chupacabra in the film as well?
Best. Post. Ever.
I had a Japanese girl hand me my creatine powder this morning. It was weird.
Sure, throw a chupacabra in there. Why the hell not? It would at least mix up the stale formula a little. While we're at it, why not toss in a banshee and an Indian makara fish-monster. Maybe they could all have long, stringy black hair - you know, for the sake of coherence.
And a Japanese ghost girl visited our Sunday School class this morning. I think we all need to pray for her hideously black and vengeful soul.
How come Hollywood doesn't take a stab at Lovecraft? I mean, that shite's scary!
A Japanese ghost girl ate with me and Beeki today at our church's luncheon. She wasn't nuts about the salad, but she devoured the soup.
No thanks, guhn. I'm tired of your random "see here" link-happy antics. Anybody have any suggestions about how to block these clowns?
Well, you could use the word verification for a couple of months. I did and since I turned it off I've only gotten, like, two splog comments.
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