Obamaphone

Those of you bloggerinoes who live in the great state of Lonestaria probably got a little Barak booty call yesterday. How did you like that?

I must say I felt rather flattered when Sen. Obama dropped me a line just to see whassup, and to buddsy-wuddsy an early vote out of me. Actually, it kinda weirded me out just a little bit. I'm already fairly skittish about having a cell phone at all, and now even my democratic right to choose the leader of the Free World (a world which is becoming increasingly more expensive) has been violated and usurped by the Almighty Cell. If the evil little thing didn't occasionally play "May It Be" by Enya to placate me, I would have hurled it into the Eyrieville Gorge long ago.

Back to Barak, I almost feel sorry for him after that call. He seems a tad too eager for the job, like that Sophomore running for Student Body President who xeroxes flyers to put on people's windshields and organizes an undergrad "mixer" on campus with ginger ale instead of booze. I mean, honestly. What's next, Obama ringtones?!

Apparently, yes.

Quod Erat Demonstrandum!

What did I tell you?

5 out of 6 ain't bad, n'est-ce pas? And a couple were real surprises, according to the experts. I'm like Cassandra, cursed to know the future but denied the respect and credulity of my peers!

Ok, so I'm a Cassandra who didn't see that Tilda "I look like a snake" Swinton was slotted to win for Michael Clayton. But who can blame me? Did any of you see Michael Clayton? ZZZZzzzzzzzz. As my clever wife declared when the ridiculous credits began to roll across Clooney's Cary-Grantesque display of bewildered innocence, "That was like the male version of Erin Brockovich, only not as good." I concur.

Seriously though, next year I'm entering an Oscar pool for some cold, hard cash.

BEWARE THE FALL OF TROY!

unless that already happened...

And the Winner Is...

Are you watching? Just for the record, I am. And I have some predictions. I always have predictions, and I have a rather uncanny record of guessing the right winners in the big categories. Of course, no one ever believes me when I say that I guessed correctly the next day. So this time, I'm posting my picks for all to see (with a time and date marker, mind you).

And so, here are Bibb's Oscar predictions:


Best Actor: Daniel Day Lewis, There Will Be Blood


Best Actress: Marion Cotillard, La Vie En Rose


Best Actor in a Supporting Role: Javier Bardem, No Country For Old Men


Best Actress in a Supporting Role: Ruby Dee, American Gangster


Best Picture: No Country For Old Men

And for an easy freebie...

Best Animated Feature: Ratatouille

We'll see if my preternatural soothsaying abilities are still working this year...
(Post your own picks if you dare, but do it quick!)

Hail to the Chief!

Mark my words, blogpundits, this is the fellow who'll be giving you the State o' the Union in the upcoming years. Oh yeah, he's in like Flint. I don't know why McCain keeps kidding himself...and Hillary? She all but forfeited when confronted with the radiant glory that eminates from Mt. Obama in Austin last night. "I am honored to be here in your presence, my leige." That's a direct quote.

Seriously, folks. What is the deal with Obama-worship? I mean, I like the guy a lot, and I might even vote for him this November, but geez-oh-man has his hype been blown into the stratosphere! Women are fainting at his rallies! Like he's the fifth Beatle!

And his charisma doesn't stop there. He's been compared to everyone from Martin Luther King to John F. Kennedy. Who's next, Gandhi? (That's right, here comes another lame photo joke.)

The truth of the matter is that Barak Obama is a brilliant rhetorician. You know, one of the people who actually paid attention in Composition 101 back at Lameityville Community College? He understands how to adapt his message (whatever that actually is, no one can say for sure) to the needs and expectations of his audience, without (and this is the tricky part) their knowing they're being manipulated. When he addresses his plans for the future--all that CHANGE we've heard so much about--he adopts the JFK voice and mannerisms. When he's talking about racial or social injustice, he channels MLK like a pro. Seriously, watch him speak and you'll see what I mean. Just don't allow yourself to be wholly engrossed by the Obamypnosis in the process. It's rather like unfocusing your eyes to see the hidden image in one of those 3-D pictures. Yep, here it comes...

Creepy, huh? Anyway, let's hope that all that rhetorical voodoo he's using is just one weapon in a politician's inevitably manipulative arsenal, and not all there is to him. I don't think so. Even in the midst of his razzle-dazzle, there are moments of genuinely inspirational wisdom. Still, one never knows just how any candidate will perform until one sees him (I feel a slight need to add "or her" here, but honestly, that's not something we need to worry about yet, is it Hillary?) in the Oval Office behind the Resolute Desk. So for now, blogvoters, I withhold judgment...

Shaken...Not Stirred

Check Them Out

They Seriously Rock

And Say 'Hey' To Eugene For Me

The E & C Returns!

Evening, blogginers! I'm back from the murky gloom of my cynical boycott of blogs. Sure, I tried the whole creative routine there for a while, but it's a slow, taxing business to forge a cyber-narrative all by one's lonesome.

Never fear, though, all you die-hard fans of The Cyndrille Orchard. I will still occasionally update the story as I find the time. I realize that I'm talking to practically no one, but you must give me my delusions of blog-grandeur.

So, prepare yourselves for that old-time commentary from everyone's favorite book fetishist. Think of all the topics we'll have to discuss! The presidential election! My imminent trip to London this summer! Forkulele's greatest hits! Oh, the horizon teems with possibilities.

I simply cannot wait.

It's good to be back.