Old Glory On An Asherah Pole

So, the Israelites had this annoying tendency to idolize the wrong things. They made that infamous calf at the base of the holiest mountain on Earth and danced around it while God spoke to Moses. They married into the indigenous Canaanite religions and bowed down to Ashtoreths and Baals before Joshua was even cold in his grave. Then they elected an unfortunate series of corrupt kings who continued to read books on Wicca and erect...well...inappropriate erections.

A good but somewhat recalcitrant judge named Gideon began the process of pointing out these sacrilegious inconsistencies amongst the Lord's people when he chopped down his father's Asherah pole (a totem-pole-esque edifice honoring the Hebrew goddess of fertility, Asherah) and demolished the adjacent altar to everyone's favorite euphemism for the Semitic rain god Hadad, Ba'al. Ever since, party-poopers like Gideon and myself (with the incredibly unpopular spiritual gift of discernment) have been doomed to deconstruct the myriad surrogate deities we alleged followers of the Lord set up in place of the real Jehovah. And here I go again...

Folks, this past Sunday morning in "church" I bore witness to an orgy of patriotic gyration the likes of which Sodom and Gomorrah never even dreamed about. Proud, shrieking eagles swooped across the altar; monstrous flags obscured the stained glass portrait of Jesus; Uncle Sam stomped in with Old Glory hoisted higher than the cross. We sang every trite, maudlin bunting song in the red, white, and blue book. We waved little plastic replica flags (that were, I giggled to note, made in China) in time to "Grand Ol' Flag," a tune I'm quite sure none of the salivating patriots realized originated in a toe-tapping Broadway show and NOT as the follow-up track to Lee Greenwood's "Proud to Be an American."

Now I don't mind celebrating the Grand Ol' Fourth any more than the next guy. But in the house of the Lord, I would like to reserve my adulation for Him, AND ONLY HIM. I will NOT condone an entire Sunday devoted to tired, over-simplified praise songs exalting our perfect, morally pure and supreme nation of almighty glory and power...but with "never a boast or brag." My gall caught in my throat.

Am I just a jumpy jeremiad? Have any of you experienced this disappointing trend? What is to be done? I cannot follow Gideon's example and simply cut down the flag to use as fuel for burning the bunting-and-balloon altar to the great god Freedominus Americammon. Maybe Jefferson was right: the separation of Church and State doesn't seem like such a bad idea after all.

Judges 6:25-32; 1 Kings 18:21-39

Gradalis Scholasticus

Holy...Grail, blogademes! Your intrepid Sir Bibs was at long last deemed worthy of a glimpse of the holy of holies this afternoon at around 4:00. After questing for many years (nine, but who's counting?), this weary knight of knowledge has finally neared his journey's end.

I passed my Ph.D. qualifying exams today. That's right, blogstudents, I'm one dissertation away from being...wait for it...a bona fide doctor! Not the kind that makes lots of money for splicing a couple of arteries together and then going off to play golf all week, but a doctor nonetheless! The official term for my current status is ABD (Almost Brain Dead), and many schools will actually consider hiring me now! No kidding! I already got a call from the local community college about setting up an interview (and before you scoff, consider that, in these turbid economic times, community colleges are paying much more than their university counterparts).

O Lord, thanks be to Thee for Thy mercy and guidance! Bless this travel-sore wanderer and lead him to the sacred grove of academe!