O'erwhelmed & Unemployed

Sorry my blogs have been so sluggish lately, but I have so much work to do sometimes that I simply cannot breathe. I swim through mounds of tasks, menial and herculean, on a daily basis, and I have nearly drowned many times. One of the academic librarians at our great Eyrieville University told me that she dropped out of her PhD program due to chest pains resulting from extreme panic attacks. All around me graduate students are dropping like novice soldiers in an epic battle with bloodthirsty monsters, and I sometimes wonder how long my paltry shield will hold out against their ceaseless onslaught.

Also, I desperately need a job for the upcoming summer. The powers that be at Eyrieville U have slashed my department's budget once again, and there will be no classes for the Teaching Fellows this summer. I have sent out applications to the local community colleges, but few have responded, and those that have all tell me how impressive my credentials are before they inform me that yes, they have no bananas; they have no bananas today. So, blogensteins, you must help me choose my summer job. Here are some choices:

• Lame-ass Book Clerk at local Christian bookstore.
• Lame-ass Book Clerk at local used bookstore.
• Lame-ass Book Clerk at Our Lady of Barnes & Noble.
• Male prostitute (The wife might protest, depends on the money).
• Ninja assassin-for-hire.
• Domestic cat-trainer.
• Wandering minstrel.

Cast your vote for my pathetic employment! Or suggest another pathetic job not listed here! Woo! Overeducated unemployment is great!

Paddy Cake?

God Save Ireland!

Boycott the One-Legged Dancer

Are any of you folks out there fans of the ABC hit show "Dancing with the Stars"? Well, stop it. They've really sunk to new lows this season by tossing Paul McCartney's shrew of an ex-wife into the toe-tapping contestant pool. She's mean, vicious, and as you can see in the quote above, she "like[s] Mickey Mouse." Creepy.

Mills claims, among other things, that Sir Paul McCartney committed the following horrible acts during their marriage:

Physically attacked her several times, including an incident when he stabbed her with a wine bottle.
Forbade her to breastfeed her newborn child because he claimed her breasts belonged only to him.
Denied her an antique bedpan she wanted so she would not have to crawl to the bathroom each evening.
Forced her to crawl up the steps of his plane when her wheelchair would not fit.
Ate babies and washed them down with liquified puppy brains.

Of particular interest is the fact that none of Ms. Mills' outrageous claims have been substantiated in any way, and she is in the process of attempting to wrench more than £30 million from Macca with the help of Princess Diana's lawyer, Anthony Julius. You can read about the whole sordid affair here.

So when the new season airs in a couple of weeks, change your channels for Sir Paul. Or if you simply must watch, vote repeatedly against Mills and send her one-legged ass a-packin' the first week.