Here she is, ladies and gentlemen, the next President of the United States of America. Yep, you heard me right . . .
President. Let's just face the facts, shall we? McCain is an old man. He's a very old man. He's 72, people. He will become our oldest inaugurated president if he wins the election, beating out poor ol' Ronnie by over three years! I'm talkin' OLD. And he's not exactly raisin' and ropin' broncos, either. His health's not so great, despite what we're being told by his campaign jockeys. He's had cancer. Lots of it. Admittedly, it was just melanoma, but the last instance was a rather serious
invasive melanoma that required extensive surgery and some facial reconstruction. Add that to the fact that he looks like the photosensitive ghost children from the film
The Others and you've got yourself the makings of a chronic condition.
And he's just plain old. I'm not an "ageist," whatever the hell that means. I don't go around belittling people because they're younger or older than I am; that makes about as much sense as my ridiculing those who are taller or shorter than I am, what I suppose the buzzwordsmiths would dub a "heightist." Nevertheless, only a fool would deny that health deteriorates with age. Sorry folks. Fact o' life.
And guess what often expedites the effects of age? Stress. And guess what's probably the most stressful job on the planet? College professor. But the presidency has to be a close second. Thus, we get Madame President Palin. Ohhh. I lost control of my bladder just typing that. Just take a look at some of her greatest hits.
On our "post-9/11 world" -
Gibson: We talk on the anniversary of 9/11. Why do you think those hijackers attacked? Why did they want to hurt us?
Palin: You know, there is a very small percentage of Islamic believers who are extreme and they are violent and they do not believe in American ideals, and they attacked us and now we are at a point here seven years later, on the anniversary, in this post-9/11 world, where we're able to commit to never again. They see that the only option for them is to become a suicide bomber, to get caught up in this evil, in this terror. They need to be provided the hope that all Americans have instilled in us, because we're a democratic, we are a free, and we are a free-thinking society.
On foreign policy and anyone who "hates what we stand for" -
Ifill: Secretaries of State Baker, Kissinger, Powell, they have all advocated some level of engagement with enemies. Do you think these former secretaries of state are wrong on that?
Palin: No and Dr. Henry Kissinger especially. I had a good conversation with him recently. And he shared with me his passion for diplomacy. And that's what John McCain and I would engage in also. But with some of these dictators who hate America and hate what we stand for, with our freedoms, our democracy, our tolerance, our respect for women's rights, those who would try to destroy what we stand for cannot be met with just sitting down on a presidential level as Barack Obama had said he would be willing to do. That is beyond bad judgment. That is dangerous.
On Alaska as the last great hope against invasion by the Russians -
Couric: You've cited Alaska's proximity to Russia as part of your foreign policy experience. What did you mean by that?
Palin: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and, on our other side, the land-boundary that we have with Canada. It's funny that a comment like that was kinda mocked, I guess that's the word. Well, it certainly does, because our, our next-door neighbors are foreign countries, there in the state that I am the executive of. We have trade missions back and forth, we do. As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there, they are right next to our state.
On getting those worn-out troops some guns so they can hunt moose (priorities, you know) -
Palin: I heard from many Alaskans serving overseas during my trip to Kuwait in July. One of the most frequent questions was about the status of hunting seasons upon their return. While I can't grant our troops the chance to hunt in closed areas or in places with species restrictions, I do want to recognize them and help them hunt this late fall or winter when they get home.
Well, that's great. The economy's in the toilet, the Middle East is a bigger, hotter mess than ever before, and most of the rest of the world hates us, but at least the moose and caribou seasons will start on time. GOD HELP US IF SHE GETS WITHIN 50 MILES OF THE WHITE HOUSE!
Please, people, don't put this woman in charge of the free world. Vote Obama / Biden on Nov. 4.
Mrs. Leo File is a very talented jack o'lanterneer, n'est-ce pas? Hope everyone has a creepy, disturbing Hallow's Eve. I realize this friggin' adorable pumpkin makes it rather difficult to sustain any viable sense of fear, but if you could have seen this same gourd this afternoon when I hurled its putrid, mold-infested pulpiness into the trash bin, you would have screamed in terror.
